Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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