Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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