I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
