Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
