I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
