Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
