apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
