so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize