is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
