weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
