I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
