New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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