we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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