I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
