I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
