her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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