dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
