...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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