I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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