Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
