there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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