is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Quick, to the slutcave!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
