I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
