Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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