dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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