my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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