if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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