90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
