I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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