i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
