And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
