but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
my liver is dry heaving
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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