well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
