The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
