Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
