Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
