As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
