I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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