I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize