i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
