I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
