he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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