how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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