Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
