so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
