I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize