I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
