is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
