This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
