He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
