there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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