Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
