New invention idea: vibrating tampons
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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