I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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