Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize