Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
