I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
