Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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