why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize