I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
