guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
