there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
cat food counts as protein by the way
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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