Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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