u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
