wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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