so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't think brook has ever known best
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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