Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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