He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I intend to get homeless drunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
