FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
