I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
