Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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