i think my tv is drunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
