so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
should my penis look like a turkey
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
