Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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