the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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