i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize